Sports and me

Well, this is that time of the year when everyone seems to be all excited about the outcome of the superbowl. Everyone, that is, except me. Now, make no mistake, even though I consider myself to be a sports bigot and also a red blooded american male, I don't personally hold it against someone if they take an interest in sports. Different strokes for different folks as the old cliche goes but, frankly, I'm so sick and tired of being asked what I thought about such and such game and who won the aforementioned game that I just felt I could not hold my contempt about it all inside anymore. Just think about it. How would you feel if I asked you what you thought about the latest Brian DePalma film or the latest Tarantino flick. It would be crazy to assume that everyone that I ran into knew who Brian DePalma was or obsessed about Tarantino's next film project as much as I do and, yet, that's what it really boils down to. Just because the majority of Americans watch sports religously doesn't mean that all of us do and I am sick of people assuming.

Why do I have such contempt for professional sports you might ask? Well, there are several reasons. The first one that comes to mind is that sports are almost singlehandedly responsible for lowering college academic standards. In our country, you can be as dumb as a rock but if you can effectively throw a pigskin across some field resembling a cowpasture or stuff a ball into an oversized macrame basket you can pretty much be assured that you'll get to go to college. Believe me, when I tell you that the big men in charge will find a way if you show athletic aptitude. On the flipside of the coin, I've met many brilliant people in my time who had to forgo college simply because their grades didn't meet certain standards or they were financially strapped. And it's a shame because many of these people deserved to go and couldn't because they weren't able to throw a ball or were the last ones chosen when picking sides for Basketball.

Another reason for my sports bigotry goes back to the holiday celebrations I had as a child. It seemed that nearly every one of those celebrations was tarnished at some point by the 'big game' which always managed to keep the adults from engaging in any meaningful or intelligent conversation other than what was going on with the game that was being watched on the tube.

I'll make a full confession. I've never seen any type of sporting event in my entire life from start to finish, nor do I have the desire to. People will always complain that they hate sitting through a three hour movie and yet they'll sit through a thirteen minute football game that's stretched over to four hours on any given Sunday. Call me intellectually shallow but I just don't get it. I'll take the three hour movie anyday. At least I might experience some emotions besides jumping up and down in front of a plasma tv screen in my living room. Even though you may not know who the eventual winner of the game might be, the games are always played out in the same predictable fashion. There's no real excitiement there for me and I suppose there never will be. Now perhaps if something unpredictable happened occasionally-like a bleacher collapse at the football stadium for example-I might actually watch. As it stands, though, I believe I'll stick to my three hour movies and try to ignore the hysteria that's bound to ensue when the superbowl happens again this year.